Performative Grooming
If your internal dialogue sounds like this: “My date is coming over, it's been a month since I’ve cleaned, so I’ll clean an hour before they’re here” or “My meeting is in person, I haven’t showered all week, so I need to today.” These might be examples of performative grooming.
Mental health struggles can show up in many ways, and declining hygiene is one symptom that is often overlooked or stigmatized. Feelings of procrastination, low motivation, and even the sense that taking care of yourself is “pointless” are important to acknowledge and discuss. These experiences can be hard to talk about, especially because people often mask them when interacting with others and prepare themselves to appear put together.
When you’re already struggling mentally, the last thing you want is to be perceived. At times where your hygiene is the least of your concerns, it's frustrating to have moments of socializing that mask the turmoil within. There’s more to hygiene than what meets the eye. For example, here’s a step-by-step of the effort it takes to shower.
- Getting up
- Finding clean clothes
- Checking water temperature
- Cleaning your face, hair, and body
- Drying off
- Changing
Each of these steps includes smaller ones. Getting up might mean putting on slippers and finding clean clothes can involve searching through your closet, drawers, or even a pile sitting in the corner of your bed. These details usually go unnoticed, but when you’re already struggling mentally every step can feel ten times heavier. Moving from performative hygiene to consistent daily care ultimately comes down to building a routine. Here are some helpful tips to try:
- Showering/brushing hair and teeth at the same time you use the restroom.
- You don’t need to clean your mess, but taking a step to organize it can be helpful.
- Video call a friend if you still need outside support to keep yourself and your space clean.
- Invest in wet wipes for the days where it’s harder to follow your routine.
Progress doesn’t have to be perfect to matter. Even small, consistent efforts can help shift hygiene from something you do for others into something you do for yourself. Some days will still feel heavy, and that’s okay, but showing up in small ways builds momentum over time. You deserve care even when no one else is watching, and that care starts with just one manageable step.